Whenever we tell a “story” from our lives, we always tell it as the main character. No matter who else is in the story or what it is about, we are the central character. This tendency of thinking of ourselves as “the lead” hinders our success, especially when we are working with a team. Instead of thinking about the common goal or the people around us, we are thinking about our role. We are thinking about our “story”.
The remedy from always thinking we are the lead is the Christian virtue of humility. C.S. Lewis defined humility as, “not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” Lewis’ definition captures the essence of true humility. Humility is not a low self-evaluation. Rather, it is a self-forgetfulness. Humility is not dismissing your talents or position as inconsequential. In fact, as Lewis also commented, a humble person has a true evaluation of their abilities. They can think and speak of themselves in a detached way, as if they were speaking of another person. Rather than dismissing our abilities, humility is seeking to use them in service to others (Lewis, 2009).1
Stated differently, humility is thinking of oneself as a side character. It is an eye for helping others in their story. It is placing the goal above our role. You may have a vast array of skills, deep knowledge of multiple subjects, or a high status. All the best side characters do. Think of Dumbledore or Gandalf. Yet, you use your status, knowledge or skill to help the people around you. You use them to help a hobbit or a wizarding student.
Thinking of ourselves as great side characters is the best way to flourish in a team. It is the best way to accomplish a common goal. It helps free us to serve others. Ultimately, it helps us take the focus off ourselves.