I want you to notice that the main word being used above is “expected.” I believe that we tend to place higher, and sometimes unreasonable, expectations on our family.
Think about it – right now for you as teenagers, you have spent the most time in your life with your family and you all know each other the best. Your family has seen you at your best and your worst, and you have seen them at their worst and best. You have seen the good in them so you know what they are capable of, and I think that’s when we are hurt the most by them – when we see them making bad choices or decisions (or what we perceive to be bad choices or decisions).
This is why communication is super important – you have to be honest with people and let them know what your expectations are and when they don’t meet them.
The reason that my father and I have not spoken in four years is because we have not sat down and spoken about why we were so upset in 2012. I have not told him how he hurt me then and how he has hurt me with his actions since. This has also led to not speaking to members of my extended family – my grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins – because they have ideas of what happened. They have heard his version, but don’t really know where I am coming from. I feel like the expectations my father has for me are unfair, and I probably have unfair expectations for him too. I am expecting something from the person that I want and remember him to be.
But that is not who he truly is now.
This is where we really need to turn to God and be more like Him. He loves us unconditionally, just like we love our families unconditionally. I still completely love my father, and I always will even though I am not happy with the choices that he has made and the expectations that he has set out for me. The Lord may not always like the choices that we have made, but He still loves us no matter what. He will meet us where we are and will love us as we are – no matter how flawed we are.
We need to use this example in the way that we love our families. We will be called to be Christ for others – not just for those who are non-believers, but for those who are believers and just might need a reminder of how much our God truly loves us.
1 Corinthians says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” In this situation, we are to called to embody love. We are to be patient and kind and protect and trust and hope and persevere.
As I said, the communication with my father and my extended family has been difficult. I have wanted to tell him things and wanted to clear up misunderstandings that have occurred. It has been suggested to me in the past by my mom that I should write letters to my father to explain where I am coming from and to apologize to all of my family for the things that I have done wrong. I have not been perfect; I have made mistakes and in some ways, I am partially to blame. This is true for all of us – like I said earlier, we are all human and we all make mistakes.