Understanding that there are different types of questions can improve your conversations by helping you match your approach to your goals. Whether you want to keep things light, gather information, guide the discussion or build connections, knowing when to use each type can make a big difference in how the conversation flows.
First, there are closed questions, which typically elicit short responses like "yes" or "no." These tend to be more superficial and quickly halt a conversation. Here are a few examples:
- Did you eat breakfast this morning?
- Are you going to the baseball game?
- Is your exam today?
While closed questions aren’t inherently negative, they work best when used as a starting point to bridge into deeper conversations.
Next, we have questions designed to gather information. These can overlap with closed questions and are often used when meeting someone, making small talk or keeping a conversation going. Here are a few examples:
- Where are you from?
- What kind of car do you drive?
- What is your major?
When we ask these types of questions, it's like playing the role of a detective — seeking facts out of curiosity in our interests rather than the other person's.
Leading questions are phrased in a way that suggests there is a "right" answer, guiding the person toward a specific response. The person asking the question is essentially steering the conversation in the direction they want. Here are a few examples:
- Don’t you agree this is a terrible idea?
- You were on vacation last week, weren’t you?
- How much better do you feel after that run?
As you might notice, these types of questions can come across as somewhat condescending, almost like a parent asking. They imply that the questioner believes they are the expert. It’s important to be cautious when asking leading questions, as it’s never a good idea to assume someone’s true thoughts or feelings.
Finally, we have the most effective type of questions for creating meaningful and engaging conversations — curious questions! The goal of these questions is to explore and genuinely show interest in the other person. Here are a few examples:
- What is your favorite aspect of your job?
- How has your faith grown through being in student leadership?
- Who has had the biggest impact on your first year of college?
Curious questions often begin with words such as “what,” “where,” “when,” “how,” “who,” or “if.” They are open, powerful, humble and energizing!