Having chosen well, it is important to be the friend one needs to be. Paul says that Christians should be friends who will encourage and build up others, especially those who are struggling (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Personal challenges are rampant, and God’s people need to strengthen and reinforce each other during hard times. To do that well, it is important to remember to be patient and to forgive offenses (Colossians 3:13). Even those who truly care about each other will be insensitive or directly hurtful from time to time. Peter says in I Peter 4:8 that the way to forgive others’ offenses is to love them deeply. That admonition can be very difficult to follow, but love needs to be the source of helpful friendship.
Being the friend God intends includes carrying each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:20). Friends who are weighed down by sadness, stress, confusion, rejection, discouragement and other oppressive loads need friends to help shoulder the load. That ability to share their load is built on an awareness of their need, which is based on having spent enough time and paid enough attention to notice that they are struggling. It also entails a willingness to expend emotional energy caring about their pain and grief.
Another way of being a friend is in Hebrews 10:24, taking the opportunity to actively promote the friend’s growth in love and good deeds. One of the benefits of having a relationship in which one is “spurring the other” toward healthy Christian growth is that both friends can grow from the experience. Proverbs 27:17 says that "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Being in such a relationship is helpful to both parties.
Having developed a loving relationship, friends can give and receive good advice. Proverbs 27:9 speaks of the earnest counsel of a friend. Until the relationship has progressed beyond casual acquaintance, advice is often not welcome and even after the friendship has deepened, it can present a challenge, but at a certain point, a thoughtful and earnest word of counsel may be appropriate. Job’s friends probably did not intend for their advice to be hurtful, so it is important to remember that advice should be given sparingly, earnestly, humbly, gently and kindly while love should be shown generously, abundantly and caringly.
Job also says that God values friendship and those who withhold it are disregarding “the fear of the Almighty” (Job 6:14). According to this verse, instead of keeping to oneself, God expects his people to be friendly and to be especially kind in their relationships.